Make A Change

Disclaimer: I’m going to rant for a little. I don’t care who reads this. I have a right to voice my opinion, and I’m sorry if that hurts your feelings. I won’t name names, because honestly the purpose of this post is not to start “drama”. I don’t want to hurt anyone. The purpose of this post is so I can get my feels off my chest, without lashing out at these certain few individuals like I want to. If you know my situation, you will know who I am talking about and if the person(s) I am talking about is reading this…Well, now you know how I feel. I hope in some way I can enlighten you.

I feel the title of Mom, Dad, Grandpa, and Grandma Etc. is earned. They are not just handed to you like its nothing. I have earned my title of mom. I provide for my son, I take care of my son, I protect me son, I love my son unconditionally, and I never will walk in and out of my sons life. If you choose to walk in and out of my son’s life and act like you’re not doing anything wrong, you will never have my respect. You will not be called Grandpa, Grandma Etc. Yes, Lukas is 17 months old now he knows when you’re here and he knows when you are gone. He has emotions, he has a heart, he has a brain, and he has feelings. I won’t tolerate people walking in and out of my son’s life, and still think they deserve a title. You don’t. Lukas deserves so much more than that. You have made a permanent decision on temporary feelings, and I won’t let Lukas be affected by it any longer. Don’t expect a title; don’t expect my respect because honestly you are affecting my son’s life negatively. If someone chooses to affect my son’s life negatively, you better expect me to kick you out of our lives real quick. I won’t let my son get hurt, disrespected, and stepped on like he’s nothing. Lukas deserves to be treated like GOLD. If you don’t treat him as that, you’re gone.

I am not telling you how to live your life; I honestly don’t care what you do with your life. BUT, what I do care about is my son and I think I have made that very clear. You can act as if nothing has happened, you can pretend you did nothing wrong. I can forgive you for that, people make mistakes. I have obviously made my fair share of mistakes. But, I will not forgive you for what you are doing to my son emotionally. I will no longer let you walk around acting like everything is perfect, as if nothing has changed. I truly feel for those young lives around you as well. My heart breaks for all the young lives you are affecting. Children deserve love, honesty, respect and most of all stability. I can no longer help those other little lives around you, but I can and WILL protect my son. I strive to make my sons life stable. I strive to make the environment he lives in healthy, happy, and loving.

Stability: The state of being stable. Synonyms: Steadiness, constancy.

Can you honestly say you have given stability, or constancy? If you think bringing people in and out of lives is stability, you’re wrong. Children deserve this, children need this. I grew up in a very stable house, yes, my parents were divorced. But not once did my parents bring their partner(s) around me like it was nothing. Do you want to know why? Because they care about my sisters and I. They wanted to give us a stable, healthy and loving environment. They didn't want people walking in and out of our lives. They did this because they love us.

You think you’re worthy of such an important title such as Grandpa, and Grandma Etc.? You think you have earned it? Let me tell you how you earn such a name. You love unconditionally, you protect, you take care of, you play with that child, you laugh with that child, you help, you teach, and mostly you stay in that child’s life. You never walk out. If you walk out you are no longer wanted. That title goes away once you turn your back on that child.

I don’t want to focus only on the negative people; honestly there are more positive people in our lives than there are negative. Lukas has many amazing people in his life, which I know will never leave his side. I trust, love and respect these people more than they will ever know. I trust these people because they have done nothing to make me lose that trust; they protect Lukas as if he was their baby. I love these people because they love Lukas unconditionally, they adore everything about him. I respect these people because they help, teach and watch my son grow. These amazing people in my life have no idea how much they mean to me. They have touched mine and Lukas heart in so many ways. I would like to thank these people for all the things they do, have done, and will continue to do for my beautiful son.

So, I guess the lesson(s) of this is simply: If you aren't going to give your all to my child, then don’t give at all. Don’t walk in and out of my son’s life. Stop hurting those around you by your actions. I want you to have so much more in your life, then this.  Everyone deserves to be happy, and I truly want happiness for you and those around you. It saddens me how some people don’t put their children on the top of their list. It literally breaks my heart. Just put your children first, and if people don’t like that…Let them go. Your children are not a burden; they are a beautiful gift that should be cherished by everyone you have surrounded yourself with.  If someone is in my life it’s because they love Lukas just as much as they love me. That’s how it should me. The people you surround yourself with should care about and love your children just as much as they care and love you. Would you honestly want to be with someone who doesn't love, respect, honor, and cherish your children? I know I wouldn't.

Like I said this post is not intended on hurting anyone. It is not intended to bash, or make anyone feel bad. But, if you think I am talking about you…Don’t you think it’s time for a change? Don’t you think it’s time for some stability, honest love, and respect? Don’t you respect yourself enough to make a change for the better? Or do you want someone to walk over you, your whole life?

If anything I have talked about applies to you, this post is probably directed to you. I don’t say any of this out of hate; I say it out of love I have for Lukas. If Lukas wasn't in this equation I couldn't care less about what you do. My goal as a mother is to give my son the best. To give my son love, respect, stability, guidance, faith, and hope. As he grows up I hope he never has to witness hate. I hope Lukas never has to be disrespected, and ripped apart. Lukas deserves respect and only love. I want Lukas to only see stability; he no longer needs to see negative things off and on in his life. As Lukas grows up I will give him guidance, I want my son to see the good in life. As so much evil, negativity and hate surrounds this earth, I want him to know the true love, compassion, honesty, and good that is still left. I want Lukas to have faith, and hope that he can accomplish and be whatever he wants. My son can do, and be anything he wants. I have faith in him. I have unconditional love for him. So with all this being said, I am done with all the negativity comments, as well as the negative actions. I will protect and love my son till the day I die, I will put my son first and with that being said…Sorry I am not sorry.

Pictures

I know I have been slacking on my post lately! So here are some pictures to make up for it!:)

Meet baby Tom Tom. He is my baby nephew! 

The sweetest little thing!

Proud daddy! (Tyler's older brother)

Lukas is a big cousin!

Love holding him!

Lukas' new face he makes...really cute as you can see!

I love his brown eyes, and little teeth!

My binky barns!

Just a few recent pictures. I am in the middle of editing a few fun blogs. So be on the look out for them!:)

Eventful day

Zoo and the ER all in one day!

We had an eventful day yesterday. Our day started out with taking Lukas to the zoo for the first time. He LOVED it! He was talking to all the animals, and hitting the glass...it was so cute! He got a couple souvenirs. He got a stuffed Elephant and a binky that looks like a Lion nose! It was very hot out, and we walked A LOT. But we had so much fun! Here are some cute pictures from our Zoo adventure! 

Our next adventure for the day was the ER. Not a place I ever wanted to take my son! Lukas is walking along furniture like crazy, and he always walks along our bed frame. I always worry about him falling and of course I look away for a minute and he falls! He smacked his head on the corner of our bed frame. He was bleeding a lot and there was an obvious gash. So off we went to the ER which is 5 minutes from our house. He only cried for about 3 minutes then was back to his regular happy self! Once we got to the hospital, he was flirting with all the nurses...Of course! They cleaned his wound and glued it shut. (No stitches-Yay!) The doctors kept saying "Okay this will hurt him, he's going to cry!" But no, the soap and glue didn't faze my little warrior! He was all smiles! Luckily the doctor said it was so shallow it won't scar! Hallelujah! I have the strongest, bravest little guy! I love him so much!:) 

My crazy son with his battle wound, after the hospital. Already looks better then this!

Pictures!

A few of my favorite pictures from these past 8 months, that I felt like posting! Enjoy!:)

Mother's Day

Yesterday was my first Mother's Day, and it was awesome! I played with my boys all day, I also went to a BBQ at my moms house! I got to see my two sisters- Erica, Alexis and my brother in law Nate! It was such a beautiful day! My son Lukas got me an amazingly comfortable blanket, and beautiful purple flowers! It was a great first Mothers Day!:) 5/13/2012

My son and I !

Lukas loves when daddy throws him in the sky!

My handsome man!

Grandma and Lukas!

My baby boy loves to entertain everyone!

Alexis, Erica, Mommy, and I!

Auntie Alexis!

Grandma, and Papa Doug!

Fun in the sun!

It is SO nice outside! My boys and I have been having fun playing outside!

My son is so dang HANDSOME!!!

Lukas in his awesome pool!

Lukas got his first car today! I can't imagine in about 15 years he's going to want a real one :(

I would write more, but honestly I just want to play with my boys all day! I can't wait for tomorrow its suppose to be 80 degrees and it's my first Mothers Day!!!:) 

My Birth Story

My Birth Story

I always see blogs about women's birth stories, and I always thought it would be fun to share my birth story! Maybe it can help other women that might go through the same thing as I did! CAUTION: This blog might be very gruesome. 

Viewers discretion is advised!

36 weeks and doing what!?

This is how big I was around 36 weeks! 7/15/2011

I might as well start at me being 36 weeks pregnant. At 36 weeks pregnant, I thought it would be a good idea to go camping in Forks, WA. Wrong! That was a horrible idea. Once we got to our camp site (located on a beach) my boyfriend Tyler and I went exploring and walked a lot on the beach. It was so much fun! We got to our site later in the day. So we set up our tent, and we laid in our tent. We had SO much fun telling each other stories, we we're laughing so loud I'm sure our neighbors hated us! Luckily, they only had to deal with us for one night because when I woke up I was bleeding majorly. I thought I was having my "bloody show" a.k.a going into labor! I was horrified. All I remember was crying hysterically and Tyler saying "Well...Looks like we're gonna have a baby today!" Tyler's dad Larry and Step-mom Marci took us to the closest hospital. Forks Hospital. It is the worst, most outdated hospital I have ever been to! When I got to the hospital I was having strong, frequent contractions... But, I couldn't feel them. They thought I was going to have Lukas that day. The doctors told me, "if we need to do a c-section, we will have to fly doctors out from a different hospital, and after you have him they will fly him to Children's Hospital right away." All the way across the state! These words hit me like a bullet. I've had nightmares where I woke up crying, because someone took my baby away from me. So, for someone to tell me that might really happen...I was terrified. Luckily, the contractions stopped and later that night I finally stopped bleeding. I stayed overnight, and it was the worst night. I was hooked up to so many monitors, and every 30 minutes a nurse would come in and adjust the monitors. Also I could only eat chicken noodle soup. (because Luke was breech-so if needed I would have an emergency c-section) and let me tell you, at 36 weeks a little thing of chicken noodle soup and a tiny slice of bread was NOT cutting it. I was starving!! I was released the next morning with strict bed rest. Even tho we had 4-5 more days of camping. Tyler, Larry, Landon (Tyler's brother), and I all drove home. I felt horrible for ruining everyone's camping trip. But, everyone was just more concerned about mine and Lukas' safety.

Home sweet home!

More like home for a few hours. The next morning I was bleeding, AGAIN! I was somewhat relieved though because I got to go to my hospital. At the hospital I learned I was A Negative, so I had to get a RhoGAM shot. (In the butt-OUCH.) I was hooked up to IV's,  and monitors all night. The bleeding had stopped, so I was discharged later that morning! I was still on strict bed rest, I wasn't gonna complain. Doing anything at 36 weeks pregnant is a pain, so I was happy to just lay in bed and do nothing! I got up to use the restroom and noticed I was bleeding yet again. I had just left the hospital a few hours ago, but back we went. This time I stayed for two nights in a row. They did many test, and could not find where the blood was coming from. I was a "medical mystery." But, Lukas and I were both healthy, and I was no longer having contractions nor was I dilating. So I went home, and I got to stay home. No more mysterious bleeding...Woohoo!:) 

I'm how many days over due?!

My due date: August 25, 2011. No baby. The days dragged on and on. Tyler and I were getting very anxious. Once I was 40 weeks I tried everything to induce labor myself. Sadly, nothing worked. At my 41 week appointment we talked about induction, my doctor told me she probably couldn't get me in for 2-3 days. Are you kidding me?! Luckily, I got a call later that day around 6:00PM and I was told I could come in and get induced! Best phone call I've ever gotten! 

41 weeks pregnant

I took this picture right before I left for the hospital. Yes...I was a cow, I know.

Don't be shy Lukas!
I got to the hospital, and was checked in. When I got to my room I was amazed at how nice it was! It was huge! It had a flat screen television, a big Jacuzzi tub and nice bathroom, a fridge, and a nice couch bed for Tyler! I wouldn't mind living there! I got my IV inserted after about 30 minutes of 2 nurses digging in my arm to find a vein (after all that my arm was one big bruise). The doctor came and checked me. Surprisingly, I was 2cm dilated and I was having very frequent contractions! Since I was having contractions they couldn't induce me. After  2-3 hours my contractions weren't frequent and I was not progressing any farther than 2cm. They inserted a pill in me, to help ripen my cervix. It did its job! I soon experienced horrible, 2-3 minute apart contractions. I couldn't take it any longer! I had to get an epidural. I can not say enough good things about that epidural. Whoever created it is a Saint!  They also broke my water. It was very unpleasant, I felt like I was peeing myself for the next 5 minutes..who knew I was holding so much fluid! Tyler says after the epidural kicked in, all I was saying was "I feel sooooo goooood!" I could finally get some rest. I was awoken by a horrible, excruciating pain. My epidural had worn off. At this time I was 9cm dilated and about 95% effaced. I wish this pain on NO ONE! I had to wait at least an hour to get another epidural...I like to forget about this part because it was so horrible. After about 28 hours of labor, Lukas heart rate was dropping with every contraction, so we had to do an emergency C-Section. I never thought I would have a C-Section, but when my baby's life was in danger I didn't care! 


C-Section!
Everything happened so fast. They handed Tyler an outfit to put on and it made him look like he should be working for NASA!

Tyler waiting for me to get prepped in the OR- He's so cute!:)

They wheeled me out and I got to see my family for a brief second as they wheeled me to the OR. Then the scariest part happened. They took me into the OR but Tyler couldn't come with. I was terrified. I was shaking and throwing up constantly. Once they got me onto the bed, hooked me up to all the machines Tyler finally could come sit with me. He was holding the oxygen mask over my face, and I had no idea who he was. I couldn't see straight, I couldn't understand what people were telling me, and I felt like I couldn't breath, I thought I was being suffocated. The rest of the C-Section was pretty much a blur to me. 


If you want to be grossed out and possibly throw up, keep scrolling down. But, I'm pretty proud of this picture, it's nasty!:)

So disgusting, but so awesome!:)

Another picture from inside the OR-It was so cold and sterile!

On 9/2/2011 at 11:12PM Lukas Ryan was born! 7lbs 13oz and 20in long! Apparently, I asked Tyler if Lukas had all his fingers and toes like 20 times! I was pretty druged up, and I guess that's all I could say. I remember seeing Tyler holding Luke and crying, it was priceless! After all my staples and stitches were in place, we went back to our room where Lukas got his first bath...He was not a happy camper!

This picture cracks me up! "WHYYY ME!!"

After his bath, and a few pokes. He was bundled up and I finally got to hold and kiss my son! This was by far the best day of my life!

My precious swollen baby! Daddy is not the best picture taker, but we still love him:)

Meeting for the first time!<3

Our beautiful family of three!

I love this picture of my boys! <3

After sometime alone with our new bundle of joy- Our families came in to meet Lukas Ryan! Everyone was so ecstatic, and kept saying how beautiful and perfect he was! It's true he is perfect!:) At this time I was still pretty out of it, but I loved watching everyone's reactions!:)

My mom, Kim!

My sister, Alexis!

My sister, Erica!

Tyler's dad, Lawrence!

Tyler's brother, Landon!

Tyler's brother, Preston!

Tyler's sister Christlyn and mom Stacy!

Sadly, I do not have pictures of my dad, Rick or Tyler's step-mom Marci! Next baby, I'm going to make Tyler take a million more pictures of everyone!

To say the least, labor and my C-Section was the hardest thing I've ever been through. But, I wouldn't change it for anything. All the pain and struggles were well worth it! I know I am writing about this 8 months late, but its better then never! Tyler and I love to reminisce on the day our son was born! From the moment Tyler placed Lukas into my arms, I knew the real meaning of love.